I am a day late. I was busy at "Mickey's house" yesterday...
Six years ago one of my dear friends took me in her car, speeding through red lights to save my life. To save Noah's life.
And within days, the doctors took him from me. I begged them not to. Like many other times in my life I was fighting the inevitable. Maybe if I were stubborn enough or loud enough then maybe they would let it go my way. Nope. They insisted I was sicker than I felt. I do still wonder if a few more days would have mattered. What would it have meant for my little boy? These questions haunt me. still.
He was coming whether I could control it or not. And his tiny, one pound, 11 ounce body was pulled from me and taken away in a matter of seconds. And I didn't see him for days. At the time they said I wasn't well enough to go. But let's face it, I can make something happen if I want to. I think I let it be at the time because I was so scared to see him. I was scared of watching my little baby fight for his life. I was scared I would fall in love and then he would be taken from me.
I remember the first time I saw him. Joe held me up. My legs crumbled beneath me as I watched a machine breath for him and saw all the tiny wires coming from every part of his tiny body. A nurse approached me and said "why do you cry" in her strong accent. I was shocked. All I could think was, leave. me. alone. She was so immune to seeing all of this that she couldn't understand why it would be upsetting. All I wanted was to pick him up and hold him. I wanted to tell him all those comforting things you say when there is a scraped knee or a bad dream. But I counldn't. And it was so much more than a band-aid could fix.
And that was the day it all changed. I changed. Mama Bear was born.
His birthday was anything but happy.
It was one of the most traumatic days of my life.
And today I look at this boy and I am overjoyed. I can look back at the day he was born and all the days after and feel truly happy. February 17th was one of the most blessed days of my life.
Happy 6th Birthday, Noah.
Mommy loves you.
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3 comments:
I will never forget either. It is like a tattoo that left an indelible impression on my soul.
He's an amazing boy. You are an amazing family. And I hope you all enjoyed "Mickey's House."
Love you,
Kristy
I can not believe Noah is 6!!!!! You are the most amazing woman, I know...the strongest, most stubborn, opinionated and loving woman. And this is why God blessed you with Noah..because only a woman as wonderful as you, "Momma Bear", can protect, push, empower, fight for, and be an advocate for Noah like you are...because he is bound for great things. And you will ensure that he has *every* opportunity to make it happen.
Love ya Nic! xxoo-Benny
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