I don't want to forget this moment. God I felt vulnerable. Different. And there was the man I love and adore. Tears welling up in his eyes.
It was Noah's open house at school tonight. Surrounded by so many parents--gosh those gen. ed. classes have so many kids! I think this was the most quiet I have ever been in my life. I sat. Listening. Looking around. Taking it all in. And it was evident. Their problems were so different than mine. They joke about things I have never seen or experienced. And I know they have no idea what it means to celebrate the small stuff. Suddenly and unexpectedly I was overwhelmed in every way. Dawn, Noah's lovely teacher, pulls me aside "Nicole, what's wrong?" "Nothing," I say. "C'mon, Nicole, I can tell-- I know you." Oh lord. Not here. Not in front of all these parents of typical kids celebrating their kid's stick person on the wall!!! And there it was. Tears. Tears of fear, happiness, nervousness, vulnerability.... just too much of everything. And I knew Joe felt it too. Everything else seems so small compared to this. And as hard as we work to help Noah, his stick people didn't look like Johnny's or Jane's. And it's okay. But to be surrounded by the parent's of so many Johnny and Jane's was just too damn much. too much. too much. too much.
I didn't see it coming. And it came.
And instead of my husband getting embarrassed or giving me a look of pity, his eyes filled with tears. He was struggling too.
It was hard. Tough night.
But the teacher really put it into perspective. "he's doing great, Nicole. he does everything they do!"
How did I get to be so lucky to be this boy's mom?
I'm proud of him. And I want to make him proud of me.
And again I am reminded that I married the most wonderful man in the world. Without saying one word, we felt the same. And we both knew it was a lot.
Enough for today.
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3 comments:
So sorry it was tough. How's Noah feeling about it?
Kristy
i can only imagine, although i've been on the teacher's side of your experience. it is a very emotional time for parents. you and joe are so wonderful and noah is just as lucky as you guys are! so proud....just wish i could be there:)
Kristy-- Noah is good I think. That's the hard part--he doesn't tell us much. And we don't get a ton of feedback. So we weren't sure. It was a rollercoaster of emotions. Proud and happy and then fear and vulnerability. I want to always protect him. But I know he can hold his own. I need to just step back and give him a chance. So far so good though. I can't complain. He's doing the work, keeping up with his peers and socializing some. All in all, I have no complaints. but in that room, on that night, I never expected to be hit with so many emotions and to be so overwhelmed. it was crazy. I sent the teacher an email apologizing and she wrote me back the nicest note. I'm truly very lucky.
Thanks for your kind words bec--you wanna come back and be his teacher?? ;)
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