You would have thought he was going to war. It was life or death. Truly, my body was in fight or flight today when I dropped Noah off for the first day of school. I will admit that I had my reservations the other day when I met his teacher. Keep in mind, new school, new teacher, new friends. And this is no pre-k. Those days are over my friend. This is serious stuff-- kindergarten. The law requires him to be there now and there aren't all those toys that he had in Pre-k. And something tells me I'm not going to be getting as many of those cute crafts that tell me how much he loves me. crap!
I was explaining to Joe tonight my red flags. The first was the other day when she said, "I run a tight ship." What in the heck does that even mean anyway??!! And what does it have to do with Exceptional Students in Kindergarten?! grrrrr. Then she said he needed a beach towel for "rest time" (yes, this was red flag #2). The cots of pre-k are gone and now he has to lay on a fricken* beach towel?? He doesn't need a nap or rest and sitting on beach towel is not only hard for noah, it's torture. I think it's hard for any five year old, and exceptionally difficult for my active little guy. But after these comments I tried to think positively. After all, she has five children. One of her kids has CP so she knows where I'm coming from. She has walked this walk and her 12 year old has no speech to this very day. I was able to overlook the flags because I was connected to her on this level. I tried to ignore that she had a little drill sergeant in her. And I am a worrier, after all.
So today I wake up basically in tears. Thank god for Joe who is calm, loving and reassuring in our decision (as I fall apart at the seams). We both drove him to school (which, by the way, is about a 15-20 minute drive now instead of across the street where the crazy, lazy teacher resides) and I should have known this was one of my first mistakes. Even on the best of days, leaving him in a strange environment with all new people is the most unnatural thing to me. Each year (even when the teacher is fabulous-- Ms. Meghan --) I am a mess. Today was no different, except it was worse. This is the first year he has had language when I left him there. He was trying to leave the room as the teacher held him back and saying "stop, mom. come back. stop, mom. please!" as his little lip quivered. My heart hurt. The "tight ship" teacher then said in her best military voice "BYE MOM AND DAD." Nice. So sensitive of her, right? To say that I sobbed while walking out is such an understatement. I was hysterical and I did not care what anyone there thought. Poor Joe may have though. :( I tried to stay busy all day and not think about it. And 2:30 finally arrived and Joe and I went to get him... (get ready for more flags).
She was standing outside with Noah in a crowd (the rest of her class takes the bus...he is not allowed to take the bus because he switched schools-- not that I would put him on it). He ran to us and hugged me like a monkey (wrapping arms and legs around and squeezing). I asked the fire breathing dragon, I mean his teacher, how his day was. She said "he had a tough time at first staying in the class. He opened the door 4 times and then I told him that he needed to stop and it was unacceptable. " She mentioned "control" but I missed it because I started to hear "blah, blah, blah..." Then she said "and he didn't do so well at rest time either." REALLY? WOW!!! I thought he would love sitting on the floor on a beach towel doing NOTHING. She said that he kept trying to get off his beach towel but that she wouldn't allow it. Again she said "it's a control issue with him and I won't have it. He needs to learn to sit still." Again, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!! So I said, "if you can't schedule therapies for him during that time then can I bring him in some books or something." She said "no, he needs to learn to listen and to sit still. He can't be in control." Yes, this was red flag #4 and #5.
She also mentioned that he needs a "bright vest or something" for recess. There are 80 kids out there and apparently he's too fast for her (HA! TO ALL THE DOCS THAT SAID HE'D NEVER WALK!). He has recess with all the Kindergarten kids-- ESE and typical. But it's not enough that he has his own challenges that make him a target for the typical kids, but now he needs to wear a neon vest? yup, you guessed it-- flag #6.
We got home and I must have asked Noah 100 questions about his day. He kept giving different answers. First he liked the dragon, then he didn't. He said she kept saying "stop" to him and I didn't know what that really meant but it was surely flag #7.
The only way I can know for sure is tomorrow when I drop him off. If he had fun today, he will surely want to go back. If not, he will let me know. His first pre-school teacher was so cruel and it took me a month to figure it out. Then it all came together... ahhh, that's why he throws himself on the ground everyday before school. He doesn't like to be around someone that screams at him all day! I regretted leaving him there as long as I did and I hope not to make that mistake again. My instincts about people are usually accurate and I guess that's what scares me the most.
I am all about second chances and not judging a book by it's fire-breathing cover. So I will give it a week. But she and I are going to have a talk about the beach towel. It's ridiculous. She will soon learn that I can be her biggest advocate or her worst nightmare (okay, maybe not worst, but you know what I mean).
All advice welcome. My eyes are dry and my head confused. To move him or not to move him?
*my mother says it's an inappropriate word, but I think it replaces the real inappropriate word (for the record).
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5 comments:
Ugh. Trying to avoid one bad situation you get stuck with another one? Where are the wonderful, caring, invested teachers that kiddos really need?
Will pray that things get much better, very quickly.
Kristy
That´s ridiculous.. no matter what I´ve never met a 5 year old that wants to sit on a beach towel quietly.. that´s insane. My 8 month old won´t sit still for 2 minutes! Control issues.. please. I hate to say this.. maybe I´m totally wrong.. but she is trying to get control in some aspect in her life, and since in her personal life its hard, she is trying at work. I don´t know what you should do Nic, I wish I had an answer... but I´m with you.. not sure about Ms. Dragon...
My mother the teacher would tell you that all teachers are the most strict in the beginning so that the kiss know who is boss and then they ease up over time. give it a change, bite your tongue, grit your teeth and clench your fists. If after a few weeks you are sure this is not the right place with him then you will have a case made instead of seeming rash to the district.
good point. it's hard to see clearly when he states everyday that he doesn't want to go. so not like the noah that has loved school in the past. these decisions certainly wear on me. I called another school today and talked to the other teacher I was considering. She was so nice and she gave me her cell phone number! whoa! I just want to do what's best for him. What I remember (that some may recall) is his first pre-k teacher. The one that I got "that feeling" about. He loved school for about a week and then suddenly he didn't want to go. He would throw himself on the ground to get out of going. I thought it was a phase. Until one day she and I had it out about a cup versus a straw. She made a big deal about it (and it wasn't--truly, we had bigger fish to fry) and then one day when I picked him up at noon (because she refused to help him eat) I heard her screaming at another child. And that was the end of that. And I was so green before that, assuming that all teachers loved their jobs and loved the kids. Not the case. So I went into the next school with a chip on my shoulder and that poor teacher must have thought I was nuts. And slowly, I have seen, that there are good and even great ones out there. But I have not had this "gut" feeling since then. And I do not, like many (ok, almost all) of my friends, have the luxury of just asking my child a question and getting an answer. It just doesn't work like that. So it's a guessing game and I gut feeling. That's all I've got.
All I know is when I taught, if a child was not interested in rest time, we would allow them to do a "quiet" activity i.e. books, blocks, drawing, puzzles etc. Rest time - at least in Maine - is a requirement for preschool. Not sure about kindergarten? But, a quiet activity fits that requirement. There is no reason in my opinion, why Noah should be forced to sit on a towel!?
I truly wish that a break in the school system comes your way.
As far as "productmom" said, it is true that teachers, generally speaking, are not as soft as they'll become in the beginning. There is a need to set expectations in the beginning, but that doesn't need to be done through control. It was done on my part by repeating class routines, places for items, staying seated during lunch, not to tip the chairs, line up for outdoor time, climb down the loft facing the ladder etc. Things that need allot of repeating in the beginning so that expectations are realized and learned and then later, about a month later, there is a rythm in the class and amongst the children and teachers and then little reminders need to be made but you no longer need to sound like a parrott. However, if Noah's teacher needs to get "control" she's coming at it in the wrong way with the wrong intentions.
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